Stray Thoughts

Lately, I have been knackered and hampered by a lack of unconsciousness. The heat, the humidity especially when darkness envelopes the surroundings, it gets to me. It makes me sweat in desperation, it makes me unable to think, unable to focus. Lest, I stay up many a night to simply do whatever I wish, short of actually doing what I wish, sleeping.

This is not the first time I have been encumbered by a problem such as this. However, the circumstances that force my hands have differed. Be it true the duty to which I was entrusted, to simply companionship, or the depression that comes with disappointed or worry, those reasons are not the reason this time. In fact, it is just too fucking uncomfortable for me to sleep. And that is putting it elegantly.

It is around 3 am in the morning as I type this. My eyelids heavy, I barely see the screen and the words that I am typing. I assume that here, they be typos, but alas, I am far too exhausted to check. My exhaustion comes not from the activities that I did, but more from the attempts at rest which elude me time and time again.

Burdened by such, my mind wonders of many things. It is times like these that make me think back on what has happened to me. I reflect on the relations that I have, that I had, that I chose to violate, and chose to cherish, friend and foe alike. Is it not wonderful how drawn we are to other people, and is it not intruiging exactly who they are?

I have tried time and time again to discern a pattern between the different kinds of people that I meet, and just why exactly do I seem predisposed to judge them in the ways that I do. Do I take it on gut instincts, do I evaluate carefully, do I just simply make it a lottery? This is a riddle that plagues me since I was a small child until now. I ask it, I question it, anytime my mind wanders* and as such, I value it.

* At least, when it wanders unto this topic, most notably when I'm feeling either sad or emo or tired.

Time and time again, I can't answer myself.

Which, I think, is for the best.

After all, when is an answered riddle anything but worthless?